Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconbr0ken-typ3-writ3r: More from BR0KEN-TYP3-WRIT3R


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 20, 2012
File Size
1.1 KB
Mature Content
Yes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,735
Favourites
127 (who?)
Comments
35
Downloads
11
×
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)


Imagine
A bloody
Raw
Piece of steak
No knife
No cleaver
Only your bare hands

You pick it up
It's warm
Pulsing
Almost alive
As you grip it tight
And rip it in half

It is a hard task to do
Yet you do it anyways
Because the pain it feels
You cannot

As you rip my heart in two
Blood leaks everywhere
Down your hands
And onto your clothes
But you do not care
You cannot feel what you have done
What you are doing

The pulsing stops
And throw the lifeless thing onto the floor
You wipe your hands in disdain
And proceed to shed down to your skin
You want no part in what you have just done
No memory in the pain you have caused

One flick of a match
And the whole room ignites into flames
But you cannot see that
Because you have already left
Walking as far away as you can
Never to look back
people often ask me "how are you feeling?" as if i magically got better in the five minutes they had asked me that question prior. it has been three months since all of this happened...and i still feel the exact same way...my answer is still the same as it was then. don't expect it to change in the near future. whenever someone asks me how i'm feeling, i would tell them to imagine taking a bloody piece of steak and ripping it apart with their bare hands. this is exactly how my heart feels...

:iconfaveandcomment1plz::iconfaveandcomment2plz:

:icondonotplz::iconusemyartplz:
NOTE: My art is NOT free for download or printing, all the pieces are © by me. Respect my work please. I'm putting my time and heart into it. Thank you.
Add a Comment:
 
:icontwstypixie:
Critique by TwstyPixie Mar 20, 2012, 8:03:26 PM
This is a very sad piece, starting off vague and piquing my interest as it went along. The words flowed well, and had a sad dark ending.

So many people have had the experiences depicted in this piece. But many can't grasp the true agony of it until it is too late... The words were perfect and resounded in the memories that I've experienced myself. It touched my very soul.

It's good to have pieces like this, so people who have to go through it, know they aren't alone.

My only dislike is the image used, although it is appropriate, I guess I'm squimish.

Thankyou for sharing this masterpiece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
23 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconranouttahere:
ranouttahere Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
Woah. Lot of emotion right there. Wonderful use of imagery. It painted one very vivid image.
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012   Writer
I will be critiquing this poem on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, you have a very 'gorey' preview image, but it fits nicely with the theme of the poem. Your title is also catchy without telling too much as to the content of the poem.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

I like the extended metaphor of the steak/heart, though I think that having the steak 'pulsing' in ST 2 is a bit too unrealistic (even raw steak doesn't pulse) as well as too close to explaining the metaphor before you wish to (which would be ST 4).

I think that most of what you wish to say is explained in ST 3 - it's a tough job but it's done anyway because the 'doer' doesn't feel a thing.

Another lack of continuity would be the heart leaking blood. For all intents and purposes the person has 'picked up' a heart/steak from a cutting board. That heart wouldn't be beating so there would be very little blood.

Grammar:
ST 5 - L2: This should be 'and you throw' not 'and throw'
ST 5 - L6: 'no memory in' should be 'no memory of' or 'no part in'

Punctuation:
The lack of punctuation actually lends itself to this poem, as it works well. Normally poems hardly flow without punctuation, but your style of writing aids the flow as well as putting in jarring imagery when necessary.

Overall:
A highly original take on what happens when a heart is broken by someone else.

:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty:
Jo
Reply
:iconkml91225:
kml91225 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What happened?
Reply
:iconness82:
ness82 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
Beautiful job with the poem. Very powerful.
Reply
:iconmikgeta:
Mikgeta Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2012  Student Writer
It's very sad, but a magnificent poem at the same time.
Reply
:iconsouleaterxmaka:
SoulEaterXMaka Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
;_; I know how it feels to have your heart rip in two. This piece is relate-able, in words that I would've never thought of using. Incredible... Wanting to cry right now ;__; I hope your broken heart is soon to heal...
Reply
:iconsmurfy27:
smurfy27 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Student Writer
this is haunting, beautiful... I know it is often hard to talk, and that feelings truly don't just dissaparate when people care. But message me, if you need. I can be here <3
Reply
:iconkuroxrozexhitan:
KuroxRozexHitan Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like-no not even like- I love this! :love: :clap: :worship:
Reply
:iconnanuk1997:
nanuk1997 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
This is really sad but so good at the same time!
Reply
:iconamahdi:
Amahdi Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm. I might be the stupid one hear, but I don't quite get it...
Reply
Add a Comment: