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(Contains: ideologically sensitive material)


Imagine
A bloody
Raw
Piece of steak
No knife
No cleaver
Only your bare hands

You pick it up
It's warm
Pulsing
Almost alive
As you grip it tight
And rip it in half

It is a hard task to do
Yet you do it anyways
Because the pain it feels
You cannot

As you rip my heart in two
Blood leaks everywhere
Down your hands
And onto your clothes
But you do not care
You cannot feel what you have done
What you are doing

The pulsing stops
And throw the lifeless thing onto the floor
You wipe your hands in disdain
And proceed to shed down to your skin
You want no part in what you have just done
No memory in the pain you have caused

One flick of a match
And the whole room ignites into flames
But you cannot see that
Because you have already left
Walking as far away as you can
Never to look back
people often ask me "how are you feeling?" as if i magically got better in the five minutes they had asked me that question prior. it has been three months since all of this happened...and i still feel the exact same way...my answer is still the same as it was then. don't expect it to change in the near future. whenever someone asks me how i'm feeling, i would tell them to imagine taking a bloody piece of steak and ripping it apart with their bare hands. this is exactly how my heart feels...

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NOTE: My art is NOT free for download or printing, all the pieces are by me. Respect my work please. I'm putting my time and heart into it. Thank you.
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:icontwstypixie:
Critique by TwstyPixie Mar 20, 2012, 8:03:26 PM
This is a very sad piece, starting off vague and piquing my interest as it went along. The words flowed well, and had a sad dark ending.

So many people have had the experiences depicted in this piece. But many can't grasp the true agony of it until it is too late... The words were perfect and resounded in the memories that I've experienced myself. It touched my very soul.

It's good to have pieces like this, so people who have to go through it, know they aren't alone.

My only dislike is the image used, although it is appropriate, I guess I'm squimish.

Thankyou for sharing this masterpiece.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
23 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconranouttahere:
ranouttahere Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
Woah. Lot of emotion right there. Wonderful use of imagery. It painted one very vivid image.
Reply
:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012   Writer
I will be critiquing this poem on behalf of
:icongrammarnazicritiques:

Firstly, you have a very 'gorey' preview image, but it fits nicely with the theme of the poem. Your title is also catchy without telling too much as to the content of the poem.

Now, the crit:
:bulletred: ST = Stanza
:bulletred: L = Line

I like the extended metaphor of the steak/heart, though I think that having the steak 'pulsing' in ST 2 is a bit too unrealistic (even raw steak doesn't pulse) as well as too close to explaining the metaphor before you wish to (which would be ST 4).

I think that most of what you wish to say is explained in ST 3 - it's a tough job but it's done anyway because the 'doer' doesn't feel a thing.

Another lack of continuity would be the heart leaking blood. For all intents and purposes the person has 'picked up' a heart/steak from a cutting board. That heart wouldn't be beating so there would be very little blood.

Grammar:
ST 5 - L2: This should be 'and you throw' not 'and throw'
ST 5 - L6: 'no memory in' should be 'no memory of' or 'no part in'

Punctuation:
The lack of punctuation actually lends itself to this poem, as it works well. Normally poems hardly flow without punctuation, but your style of writing aids the flow as well as putting in jarring imagery when necessary.

Overall:
A highly original take on what happens when a heart is broken by someone else.

:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty:
Jo
Reply
:iconkml91225:
kml91225 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What happened?
Reply
:iconness82:
ness82 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012
Beautiful job with the poem. Very powerful.
Reply
:iconmikgeta:
Mikgeta Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2012  Student Writer
It's very sad, but a magnificent poem at the same time.
Reply
:iconsouleaterxmaka:
SoulEaterXMaka Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
;_; I know how it feels to have your heart rip in two. This piece is relate-able, in words that I would've never thought of using. Incredible... Wanting to cry right now ;__; I hope your broken heart is soon to heal...
Reply
:iconsmurfy27:
smurfy27 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Student Writer
this is haunting, beautiful... I know it is often hard to talk, and that feelings truly don't just dissaparate when people care. But message me, if you need. I can be here <3
Reply
:iconkuroxrozexhitan:
KuroxRozexHitan Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like-no not even like- I love this! :love: :clap: :worship:
Reply
:iconnanuk1997:
nanuk1997 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
This is really sad but so good at the same time!
Reply
:iconamahdi:
Amahdi Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmmm. I might be the stupid one hear, but I don't quite get it...
Reply
:iconbr0ken-typ3-writ3r:
BR0KEN-TYP3-WRIT3R Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Student Writer
some i love very deeply ripped my heart out and tore it in half without a care in the world...
Reply
:iconamahdi:
Amahdi Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh. Maybe you shouldn't care either then. Maybe that will get them to miss what they've thrown away.
Reply
:iconbr0ken-typ3-writ3r:
BR0KEN-TYP3-WRIT3R Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Student Writer
easier said than done...
Reply
:iconamahdi:
Amahdi Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, but is anything we want ever as easy as we say?
Reply
:iconhotminttea:
HotMintTea Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
Made me cry.
Very very nice. It had a great impact on me. Very deep towards your soul. You did a very very nice job.
I can understand how you are feeling....
Reply
:icondeapoxen:
Deapoxen Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
great work!
i think a lot of people know how that feels, but just asking how are u feeling is a gesture of kindness, dont be mad at people for doing, sometimes they just want to comfort you
Reply
:iconmyrealaccount:
MyRealAccount Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
:c
Reply
:icontenkikun:
Tenkikun Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Is blood allowed now?
Reply
:icondaaggeagneta:
DaAggeAgneta Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Powerful poetry indeed. I have more to say, but I'm a bit tired right nowXD But I really loved it and I really hope you get better. You have my support.
Reply
:iconroselaflesh:
RoseLaflesh Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, that's a really powerful image you've created and you've taken the nearly cliche saying of having a broken heart and creating this gory image of a heart literally being broken. Great job.
Reply
:iconbr0ken-typ3-writ3r:
BR0KEN-TYP3-WRIT3R Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer
whenever someone asked me how i was feeling, i would tell them to imagine taking a bloody piece of steak and ripping it apart with their bare hands. that is exactly how my heart feels...
Reply
:iconyourfavoritepornstar:
YourFavoritePornStar Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
beautiful.
Reply
:iconsutsuki-sensei:
Sutsuki-Sensei Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012
Dear, your work is beautiful. I won't pretend to understand what you're going through, but I can tell you that you're turning this pain into absolutely gorgeous poetry. I pray that this pain will fade quickly. :huggle:
Reply
:iconsinjawolfpaw:
SinjaWolfpaw Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful piece.
I can understand how you feel, mental wounds like that don't heal overnight, it takes time, and a lot of it. More time than the amount of blood that got spilled.
Reply
:iconsuyuku-san:
suyuku-san Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Professional Writer
people keep saying "I hope you feel better" but really they are just words, I know what your going through, trust me I do and I know that hearing those words will only make things come back, and it sucks, you'll know when you're better, because you can only know "yourself" in the end
Reply
:iconpyromanic-lover:
Pyromanic-Lover Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer
The raw emotion in this piece would rip though my heart and tear it into pieces if I ever had one to begin with.
Reply
:iconhawk-moth:
Hawk-Moth Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer
This really painted one hell of a picture. I saw everything, the blood, the heart, the fire. The look of disdain and disgust on your character's face. Loved it, it was bloody, and brought out the right emotions. Very well done indeed.
Reply
:iconbr0ken-typ3-writ3r:
BR0KEN-TYP3-WRIT3R Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer
thank you very much.
Reply
:iconhawk-moth:
Hawk-Moth Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Student Writer
no problem.
Reply
:iconthe-blound:
The-Blound Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012
Nice :)
Reply
:iconjillyred:
jillyred Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012
;-; umm i hope you feel better eventually.
Reply
:iconkilljoyshellyshooter:
KilljoyShellyShooter Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, nice! I loved the emotion. I can diffidently see a personal voice in this poem.
Reply
:iconspaz-the-wolf-mutt:
spaz-the-wolf-mutt Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
its an interesting peice. dark yet in a weird way, calming. i find blood and sinew calming..im odd i know. i hope things get better for you.
Reply
:icondragontamermct:
DragonTamerMCT Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Its rather interesting...

Nicely writen
Reply
:iconxx5killar5xx:
xx5killar5xx Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Deep!
Reply
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Submitted on
March 20, 2012
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